Drabble

Was hoping to enter this for ADF's free for all contest but couldn't get it under 1k words in time.  So posting it for the hell of it.  Premise:  BD never happened, this is ten years after the end of Eclipse, aaaand go.

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, all respective characters belong to SMeyer.

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A warm, ambient breeze dances across my arms causing the limbs from trees above to sway. Light breaks free casting patterns of shadows and sun-beams against my skin. I suck in a calming breath, my fingers dig into the soft grass beneath my hands. This is home.




It’s been so long, I’ve missed it. I’d almost forgotten… but no, not really. How could I ever forget? I simply fooled myself into thinking it was a distant memory. But all it takes is five minutes here, in our meadow, for the past to crash over me like a thoughtful wave and pull me back in gently. As if I never left.



There’s nowhere for me to be, no one that is expecting me; but I know he’ll come, so I wait. The last time that I saw his face is burned into my brain; that is one memory that never seemed to fade. The raw pain that screamed from his eyes visits me nightly. Yet behind all of that, something that commanded his demeanor was the one thing that enabled me to leave. Understanding.



Edward knew … Edward. I sigh unconsciously, I haven’t thought his name in so long - I wouldn’t allow it, I couldn’t. He knew that the best thing for the both of us was that I leave. Our life had become too much for me, as sick as that makes me to admit it. And as much as he’d never let me take the full blame, I know it in my heart. I failed, I wasn’t strong enough.



It all started with our wedding. I buckled under the pressure. Not necessarily the pressure of getting married. No … after so many years away I can say one thing unequivocally. Marrying Edward would have been easy, being with him forever effortless. If I could go back in time I’d walk that aisle in a second. I know this now, but it was so confusing to me then.



The pressure I was feeling was a stormy cloud of uncertainty for the future, for what I really wanted. For so long I thought I knew. I fought so hard, was willing to give my life for him … I was sure … it was him. I wanted him. But slowly the realization of what that would mean began to haunt me.



What did having him mean I would lose? When my inner thoughts kept coming back with the same answer it scared me shitless. Everything.



There was life before Edward and Forks. I had friends in Phoenix, Charlie and Renee, hell even Phil. I lost sight of that when I found love, and for a brief moment in time I regained a full cognizant view of my life and I saw it. So I told Edward I couldn’t go through with it. That I loved him with all my heart as I would the rest of my life - but I couldn’t marry him.



The even temperament he received the news with irritated me. He should have been sad, angry - anything. Instead he was calm and loving. He comforted me as I cried tears he didn’t possess. I told him I needed time, as if begging him, and he only hushed me with soft kisses and agreed. So we gave it time; we left for school in Alaska, much to Edward’s chagrin, but the least I could do was go somewhere he would be comfortable. I could give that much.



But that was the problem; he didn’t want me to give anything. Relationships don’t work that way though, and we’d fight over this fact constantly.



My eyes are closed but I can feel his presence. His shadow invades the eclectic sunbeams, a heavy weight that anchors my heart to my feet tugs - a familiar burden.



“Edward.”



My greeting goes without acknowledgement and I know when I open my eyes I’ll see the same pain, the same unrelenting agony that chases me into my dreams every night. Those eyes. I can’t force my own eyes to open. They burn from tears that have suddenly laced my lids. After a moment of bargaining with my soul, I push my lids up and find his face backlit from the mid-afternoon light.



I gasp at his face; the mere sight of him almost too much. It makes me realize how much I have changed in the past nine years. My hand grasps my throat self consciously as I swallow against a lump. He is still entirely perfect.



Before I can say another word he kneels in front of me, I tilt up into a sitting position, nerves riddling my body. My hands shake against my legs, I press them into my thighs to stop them.



“Bella,” he finally sighs, his voice full of sorrow. His tawny eyes appraise my face slowly. I open my mouth to speak but nothing comes out.



“I’m sorry,” he interjects. “I’ve… I’ve wanted to tell you for so long…” he trails, looking away from me, I instantly ache for his gaze. “I’ve missed you so, so much.”



His eyes fall closed and I bring my hand up to touch his cheek but drop it back to my lap. What happened between us was nothing either of us could have foreseen. Life’s stress added to the constant threat of the Volturi proved to be too much for us and at the very end we fought about everything. I began to see his protective nature as insufferable, and my resistance only made things worse. He began following me to classes, not allowing me to even go to study groups if it was past a certain hour.



I couldn’t take it any longer and I found myself wondering why. Why were we doing it to ourselves - forcing our lives together just to bicker and insight anger every second of every day? We weren’t living, and we sure as hell weren’t loving. I always took the full blame, but I knew Edward would do the same. He never disappoints.



“I should have been better Bella, I should have tried harder… should have given you more … normalcy.”



A warm tear glides down my cheek but despite that I snort a soft laugh. “Normalcy? I think you did your best Edward.”



His sullen expression falters for a second, a smile curls is mouth. He puffs out a breath of air, his shoulders dropping slightly as that somber expression takes hold again.



I can’t allow this pain any longer. Sliding closer, I cup his face forcing his focus to me. “I still love you Edward.”



A shimmer of hope reflects in his eyes.



“I needed time … maybe too much time. If I could go back I would but I can’t, and I’ve missed you,” I ramble. Now he smiles wide, I can’t help but return it.



“I’m sorry. I wish I could have gotten out of my head sooner - seen things for what they were. But I’m here now, and I still love you.”



Our lips meet in an explosion of yearning and relief. My heart soars from my toes to my throat. And when he asks me again I don’t think twice, I don’t care that I am ten years older than I was the first time.



“Yes,” I mumble against him. “I’m ready.”